Rebecka's Close

I´ve decided not to write about my grandmother´s death here. It´s good to keep something as it was, when everything else around you is changing.
I miss her so incredibly much though. I haven't understood it yet. The fact that I´ll never see her again, never hear her voice again, it´s just.. Unreal. That´s what it is. It doesn´t exist in my world.
I mean, I haven´t yet understood that Michael is gone. Before grandma, I couldn´t imagine what it would be like when someone you actually know dies. I still don´t know, because I can´t feel it. I´m numb.

I went to school yesterday though. Right after I´d seen her. It was good. It´s better than to stay home all day. It´s so depressing around here. Even though everybody´s laughing, it´s still dark. And I want to dance. Dance, that´s all I want to do right now. But I can´t, because I´d probably feel guilty doing it, and it would feel wrong. We are supposed to be sad when someone dies. Of course I am. But I try not to get wrapped in sorrow. If we do let ourselves get wrapped in sorrow, everything will go to hell.
I won´t goof around and pretend it´s raining. I´ll be thinking of grandma all the time. But the people dying wouldn´t want to leave the world all sad and miserable. What a world that would be. One full of suicides.

Have a nice day, peeps. Don´t worry, be happy♥